How high can you fly before falling down
How low can you go before you don’t care
How insane are you before you’re a clown
How equal are you before you are fair
Why do we care what other people think
Why are we in a state of conforming
Why do we care if a man is in pink
We all want clothes we aren’t affording
We care about what others have to say
But that means we never think on our own
And there is a very big price to pay
For someone that is real down to the bone
Why do we do the kinds of things we do
Why don’t we do the things we want to
What was happening before the Big Bang
What was going on before everything
What was there before the infinite chain
The chain that made you, me, and Saturn’s rings
How can something never come to a stop
How can something always remain alive
How can something be everything but not
How can something always live and not die
What is the meaning of the universe
Is there something that we are all missing?
But we can’t find out – we are too nervous
The other side is much more fulfilling
Not knowing our beginning is our fate
And when we do know it will be too late
There is a certain joy in nothingness
And there is a certain bliss in boredom
But if you do nothing, what will you miss
If you stay inside, will you get more dumb?
Doing nothing forever means you’re dead
Doing nothing whenever is a treat
Doing nothing ever can hurt your head
A person’s life can never be that neat
If you do nothing with people you love
It is not boring at all – it can’t be
There is more to do than I can think of
You should try doing nothing, then you’ll see
But doing nothing is not fun alone
You need somebody else to feel at home
i keep it inside
in a small little box
i’m too scared to tear away at the wrapping paper
the paper lined with rape jokes and sluts and whores that have been so carefully placed there by my friends
i don’t want to open it
i don’t want to overreact
i want to take a joke
i don’t want to be annoying
so i keep it inside the box
i don’t want to stand up
i don’t want to cause a scene
i walk down the street
forms a skirt around me and i
i turn and i slap
and i wait and breathe and watch
the wave of reassurance rushing over me
that i can stand up and i can open the box
let the creature rise, a whale breeching for air
as long as no one i know
is there to see it
but once i’m sitting in the room
with the red cups and the damp couch and the saliva stretching from the two kids mouths which is the
only thing they have in common
i overhear the conversation about the length of her skirt
slut bitch whore
i overhear fuck her so hard
hot tits ass
i overhear the jokes and the laughter like the shower running over your head and drowning your ears so you can’t hear anything else
and all i can do is sit there
and pull down my skirt
and roll my eyes, a smile stretching across my face, and laugh
cause i don’t want
to say anything
scared i’ll go off script
i don’t want to stand up
scared someone else will take my place
No one cares about what’s wrong.
No one cares about what happened.
No one cares about who did it.
All they wanna know is if you
can trust them so when you’re known they
can fit in.
Just to make you feel good
But they don’t know that they are
the problem, even though they should.
will forever be alone
because you don’t know what I’m thinking
My thoughts are blood, blood in
a tub and I’m slowly sinking.
I need an outsider
Someone that doesn’t fit in
or someone who doesn’t care to win
They come out of a group and they walk up to
me should I cut them off or should I
I cut myself I need help I want help
But I don’t want their help.
Why are you like this?
Everyday my good side is a hit or miss.
Maybe it’s just
I AM who I AM. . .
Do you understand?
There’s me and there’s you
And I try to think it through
But I’m scared of myself. . .
Why can’t I be alone by myself?
There’s an anchor in my chest
Pulling me towards and away from my best
This void, this pulling in my chest, it never
Goes away. . .
I can’t remember happy days
I can’t get away from it
It pulls me back and I’m back in it
I pull it up to my head and think
What if I miss?
Why am I like this?
Just leave me alone
I may not be fine, but I
will be soon enough
I don’t need your help
I don’t want it either, I
manage fine alone
Just lay off already
you’ve done enough harm to me
by shutting me out
I am the wilted rose
I am the first drop of rain
Brought to life with prose
I am the root of your pain
I am born from hatred and petty choices
I am the water flooding you
Through negativity given voices
I tell you your chance at belonging is through
The flaws brought out in every way
The ship that each storm tosses
The single cloud on a perfect day
The pain that stems from losses
I am the heart that skips each beat
I walk alone, on any street
I am the cat in a canary’s nest
I am the weight atop your chest
I am the pain born from disinterest
I don’t belong, not with the rest
I walk the streets aimlessly,
I don’t know where to go.
My mind wanders painfully,
thinking why I’m alone.
I look for friends,
for someone to call,
but in a few moments,
my hopes start to fall.
The people I do find
just make me depressed
They look for ways
to quickly get away
-> and I do, too.
My young sister Phoebe
asked me a question:
“Name one thing that you like.”
It was then that I realized
I had no answer.